Health Advice

According to medical statistics, most heart attacks occur on Monday mornings.

So starting this Monday, do what I do: Sleep in until noon, just to be safe.

Tell those busy bodies in HR that, going forward, you’ll be coming in at 1:00 on Mondays as a preventive measure.

When they ask how you’ll make up for the lost time, say, “Slow down a minute, sister. I’ve been risking my life dragging my ass in here every Monday at 8:00 a.m. for the last 15 years. The way I figure it, you owe me 750 Monday mornings off. So if you know what’s good for you, just let it go or else I’m calling the ACLU.”

And if you really want to prove your point, call the HR lady at home on a Sunday night to tell her the news...