Be Kind To Cows

Milk prices continue to rise to record levels and yet, as far as I can tell, not one single cow is making a dime. So where’s the outrage?

Not even PETA, the ACLU for animals, is taking advantage of higher milk prices to raise cow awareness. Oh sure, they have a standing opposition to humans confining cows and treating them as “milk-producing machines.”

PETA claims that, “Given the chance, cows nurture their young and form lifelong friendships with one another. They play games, have a wide range of emotions, and demonstrate personality traits, such as vanity.”

I can’t remember the last time I saw a wild herd of cows roaming free long enough to observe such traits, but I’ll take PETA’s word for it. (No doubt Elsie and the girls would put on a little makeup if only they had opposable thumbs.)

The cows don’t even have Darwin on their side from the looks of it. Cuz if his theory of evolution extended to cows, at some point they’d get wise to their situation and grow wings or develop a shut-off valve or maybe form a union.

In Hinduism cows are considered sacred. As a result, in some areas of India, they roam freely. But Hindus drink cow’s milk, and make cheese and other dairy products.

Not having been to India, I can only assume small gangs of itinerant dairy farmers follow the cows around the countryside and when the cows stop to rest, the milknappers whip out a bucket and start tuggin’ teat. I’m sure that’s much more humane, but whaddya suppose a gallon of milk would cost if it was collected one bucketful at a time?

Be thankful we don’t have herds of cows roaming the streets of downtown Chicago or New York and every time you wanted milk, you had to chase one down and squeeze a glassful right from the tap.

So if you're a consumer of dairy products, next time you drive by a farm, stop and thank the cows. And be sure to tell them they look nice.